Well peeps, it has now been a while since I've been on here. To be honest with you, I find that I am an ideas person. I have a bright moment where I decide I'm going to start a blog and for a few days I'm commited to it but by about the 10th day, the novelty wears off. I reackon what I need is someone who loves taking up peoples ideas and running with them. I suppose in a romantic way I could describe myself as an incomplete soul- or more truthfully as my mother would put it "downright lazyyyyyyyyyy".
Anyway, as the title mentions, I recently joined the weightwatchers club. Yes, it's true, I'm a WEIGHTWATCHER. When I started I wasn't overweight (in fact I was quite buff)but slowly over the last two months I have been watching- watching the damn thing go up. I'm not too fussed just yet because I seem to be getting away with it so far but the day draws near when the bulge will spill.... already I am reduced to wearing the baggiest of clothes in my collection and day by day they grow snug.
My gym keeps texting me "we'd love to see you at the gym"- someone's obviously concerned that I'm paying £30 a month but maybe I've not realised that I'm paying to be able to use their facility? Ah well, I reackon another month or so and I'll have people asking whether it's aboy or a girl?
Well, I'll keep you posted............if I can manage to press the keys with my thick chubby fingers...pmsl
ciao
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Jeff Dunham 1980-2009
Jeff Dunham, renowned author (1 blog) and Recruiter (2 people so far this year) has died. Reports are just coming in that the cause of death has been established as severe boredom and a complete lack of motivation to do any work, resulting in his heart deciding it couldn't be arsed to beat anymore.
"The world and I will be much poorer without Jeff around" a source tells us." The bastard owed me 13 quid".
"The world and I will be much poorer without Jeff around" a source tells us." The bastard owed me 13 quid".
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Jeff dunham- Son, Brother.................Employee?
Yet another interview.... but already my sixth sense was picking up that somehow I was missing out on something, something was different about this inteview. Was it the reggae music that was playing on the small radio on the window ledge, or the episode of Friends on the large tv screen in the corner or the fact that out of the dozen people sat around me, only I was wearing a suit and tie?
I'm not sure but when a rasta man with dreadlocks down to the back of his knees, wearing a smart suit entered the room and grinned at me, flashing his gold tooth, I didn't immediately think "thank god, at least now theres two of us in a suit". As I said, something wasn't quite right.
"Hi, I'm Johnny. Thank you all for coming today. We are going to do a very quick presentation and this will be followed by a 1 on 1 interview."
Thank god, some semblence of normality. I wanted to rush over and hug him but I was fairly confidant it would end awkwardly.
The presentation was quick, just like Johnny said. So quick infact, that by the time I had breathed a sigh of relief about there being a presentaion, the presentation was over.
"And now, you will be introduced to some of the team managers and they will conduct the second part of this process, the interview. This will also give you the oportunity to ask any questions you may regarding the role".
I saw a group of people enter the room and peel off to approach the various candidates. "Hi, my names Aaron.... pronounced AIRON, not Aaron. I'm a team manager and will be doing your interview. Dya want to follow me?".
"Hi, I'm Jeff" I followed Aaron into one of the side offices and we sat down facing each other. I was feeling decidedly overdressed as even Aaron had only a shirt & tie on.
"So, about this job, it's door to door, theres no basic salary, it's 100% commision. We don't have to sell anything and in a good week some of us earn anything between £200- £700. Its cash in hand and you have to pay your own taxes. As Johnny sid, what with De-Regulation, loads of companies are now offering more competitive rates on gas & electric and we just have to show the customer how much money they can save. They don't have to do anything, nothing changes, the only change they will notice apart from the logo on their bill is the amount of savings they will be making. If they do their gas, its £11 and if they do both gas & electric you get £18. It's that easy. I think that you could do quite well here. So how does that sound?"
Now, I wasn't sure what I was expecting in this 1-2-1 interview but I know what I wasn't expecting and this definitely fell into the latter category.
"Errr, that sounds quite straightforward."
"Ok, well I've got the contract here, if you want to sign on the last page?"
I took the contract and flicked through the pages. It detailed the various standard terms of employment but bizarrely, all the sections regarding the amount of commision per customer were blank. I pointed this out to Aaron.
"Oh, yeah, thats just the way it's done. Even my contract was like that".
In hind sight, if I hadn't had all the previous rejections or if I had even a slightly better opportunity or even if there had been some hope of a better opportunity in the near future, then my reaction might have been different. Instead, the two brain cells still functioning fired up the synapses and managed to squeeze out a single thought:
If Aarons contract was the same, well then, that was good enough for me.
I signed my contract and agreed to report in for work at 10am the following day.
I had finally managed to secure myself a job. Funnily enough, so had everyone else that had turned up.
We were obviously all extremely talented, natural born sales people and leaders in the making...............weren't we?
I'm not sure but when a rasta man with dreadlocks down to the back of his knees, wearing a smart suit entered the room and grinned at me, flashing his gold tooth, I didn't immediately think "thank god, at least now theres two of us in a suit". As I said, something wasn't quite right.
"Hi, I'm Johnny. Thank you all for coming today. We are going to do a very quick presentation and this will be followed by a 1 on 1 interview."
Thank god, some semblence of normality. I wanted to rush over and hug him but I was fairly confidant it would end awkwardly.
The presentation was quick, just like Johnny said. So quick infact, that by the time I had breathed a sigh of relief about there being a presentaion, the presentation was over.
"And now, you will be introduced to some of the team managers and they will conduct the second part of this process, the interview. This will also give you the oportunity to ask any questions you may regarding the role".
I saw a group of people enter the room and peel off to approach the various candidates. "Hi, my names Aaron.... pronounced AIRON, not Aaron. I'm a team manager and will be doing your interview. Dya want to follow me?".
"Hi, I'm Jeff" I followed Aaron into one of the side offices and we sat down facing each other. I was feeling decidedly overdressed as even Aaron had only a shirt & tie on.
"So, about this job, it's door to door, theres no basic salary, it's 100% commision. We don't have to sell anything and in a good week some of us earn anything between £200- £700. Its cash in hand and you have to pay your own taxes. As Johnny sid, what with De-Regulation, loads of companies are now offering more competitive rates on gas & electric and we just have to show the customer how much money they can save. They don't have to do anything, nothing changes, the only change they will notice apart from the logo on their bill is the amount of savings they will be making. If they do their gas, its £11 and if they do both gas & electric you get £18. It's that easy. I think that you could do quite well here. So how does that sound?"
Now, I wasn't sure what I was expecting in this 1-2-1 interview but I know what I wasn't expecting and this definitely fell into the latter category.
"Errr, that sounds quite straightforward."
"Ok, well I've got the contract here, if you want to sign on the last page?"
I took the contract and flicked through the pages. It detailed the various standard terms of employment but bizarrely, all the sections regarding the amount of commision per customer were blank. I pointed this out to Aaron.
"Oh, yeah, thats just the way it's done. Even my contract was like that".
In hind sight, if I hadn't had all the previous rejections or if I had even a slightly better opportunity or even if there had been some hope of a better opportunity in the near future, then my reaction might have been different. Instead, the two brain cells still functioning fired up the synapses and managed to squeeze out a single thought:
If Aarons contract was the same, well then, that was good enough for me.
I signed my contract and agreed to report in for work at 10am the following day.
I had finally managed to secure myself a job. Funnily enough, so had everyone else that had turned up.
We were obviously all extremely talented, natural born sales people and leaders in the making...............weren't we?
Friday, 13 February 2009
Thursday, 12 February 2009
And so ladies and gents, my search for a job started. I attended interview after interview, each one making me a little bit more aware of my worth in the corporate market. Having just left college and with no work experience, I soon realised that finding a job wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.
"So why do you want to be a telesales agent?"
"I believe that my communication skills and my ability to influence others will stand me in good stead for this role and ensure my success. I am confident I can gain buy in from the customer into any product by promoting the features and specific benefits to the customer".
Now, my parents have always told me honesty is the best policy but having researched on interview techniques, difficult interview questions & answers and what makes a good sales person I knew that this answer would work a lot better than the truth. Something told me that-
"I've spent 4 years dossing at college and now my dad's figured out that if I stay on at college much longer, my biology, chemistry and physics a' levels would result in a very physical proof of my obvious chemistry with the fairer sex in the form of a biological offspring- not quite the 3 A*s that his hoping for and so I need to find a job"
-wouldn't have the desired effect. Anyway, I digress. I sat there feeling very proud of myself, having managed to answer the question using the exact answer from one of the websites. This job was in the bag, baby..........or so I thought.
"So, you've not actually worked before?"
"Well, I have been helping my cousin run his shop on the weekends for the last 12 months, dealing with the customers queries both face 2 face and over the phone, promoting the various products and dealing with the entire sales process."
Again, a slight deviation from the truth. I hadn't been helping my cousin run his shop......my cousin didn't have a shop...in fact, I didn't have a cousin....
To cut a long story short, although I was becoming a very natural liar, glibly rolling answers taken off the computer screen, off my tongue,I was no nearer to getting a job, until one day I saw an ad in the paper:
Wanted. 25 Marketing staff. Become a Manager in 8 weeks with our fantastic programme. Earn upto £300 a week.
.......................................................................
"So why do you want to be a telesales agent?"
"I believe that my communication skills and my ability to influence others will stand me in good stead for this role and ensure my success. I am confident I can gain buy in from the customer into any product by promoting the features and specific benefits to the customer".
Now, my parents have always told me honesty is the best policy but having researched on interview techniques, difficult interview questions & answers and what makes a good sales person I knew that this answer would work a lot better than the truth. Something told me that-
"I've spent 4 years dossing at college and now my dad's figured out that if I stay on at college much longer, my biology, chemistry and physics a' levels would result in a very physical proof of my obvious chemistry with the fairer sex in the form of a biological offspring- not quite the 3 A*s that his hoping for and so I need to find a job"
-wouldn't have the desired effect. Anyway, I digress. I sat there feeling very proud of myself, having managed to answer the question using the exact answer from one of the websites. This job was in the bag, baby..........or so I thought.
"So, you've not actually worked before?"
"Well, I have been helping my cousin run his shop on the weekends for the last 12 months, dealing with the customers queries both face 2 face and over the phone, promoting the various products and dealing with the entire sales process."
Again, a slight deviation from the truth. I hadn't been helping my cousin run his shop......my cousin didn't have a shop...in fact, I didn't have a cousin....
To cut a long story short, although I was becoming a very natural liar, glibly rolling answers taken off the computer screen, off my tongue,I was no nearer to getting a job, until one day I saw an ad in the paper:
Wanted. 25 Marketing staff. Become a Manager in 8 weeks with our fantastic programme. Earn upto £300 a week.
.......................................................................
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Independance Continued.................
So where was I? Oh yeah, at my parents door. Lovely door, why didn't I ever take the time to notice it before. This was no ordinary door, this was a beacon of hope, it concealed behind it a safe harbour from the evil world of responsibility.... or so I thought.
I sat on the sofa, unable to look at my parents. My mother shuffled into the kitchen and true to form, reappeared with a platter of food...(how does she do it? note to self...make sure next time i follow her and see where I went wrong). "You haven't been eating properly have you, look at you..."my mum said to me. I put on my forlorn face and just nodded. My dad said soemthing about me being fine and for her to stop smothering me. I stared at my mother, my eyes pleading, begging for her to carry on, hoping that she would give me a lifeline.
"He can't go back to that flat....look at him" she said to my dad. My dad stared at me and my Ego suddenly appeared to stare back at him. It took a few seconds for me to slap it into submission with memories of where we would end up if it didn't back down right now. All of the little things from the last 3 days sprang to mind and my Ego skulked into a corner.
I told my dad that I had learnt some valuable lessons and was a better man for the experience. I told him about the heights of maturity that I had scaled and how I was ready to take my future by the scruff of it's neck and shake it into shape.
"Good, because I've been lookingthrough the Evening Mail and theres loads of jobs in there...why don't you give some of these guys a ring?"
"Hunh?" I thought I had just heard my dad say he wanted me to try and find a job....
"Evening Mail, it's got loads of jobs.....why don't you phone some of them?"
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
To be continued............
I sat on the sofa, unable to look at my parents. My mother shuffled into the kitchen and true to form, reappeared with a platter of food...(how does she do it? note to self...make sure next time i follow her and see where I went wrong). "You haven't been eating properly have you, look at you..."my mum said to me. I put on my forlorn face and just nodded. My dad said soemthing about me being fine and for her to stop smothering me. I stared at my mother, my eyes pleading, begging for her to carry on, hoping that she would give me a lifeline.
"He can't go back to that flat....look at him" she said to my dad. My dad stared at me and my Ego suddenly appeared to stare back at him. It took a few seconds for me to slap it into submission with memories of where we would end up if it didn't back down right now. All of the little things from the last 3 days sprang to mind and my Ego skulked into a corner.
I told my dad that I had learnt some valuable lessons and was a better man for the experience. I told him about the heights of maturity that I had scaled and how I was ready to take my future by the scruff of it's neck and shake it into shape.
"Good, because I've been lookingthrough the Evening Mail and theres loads of jobs in there...why don't you give some of these guys a ring?"
"Hunh?" I thought I had just heard my dad say he wanted me to try and find a job....
"Evening Mail, it's got loads of jobs.....why don't you phone some of them?"
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
To be continued............
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